The Saturday before Mother’s Day is designated as Birth Mother’s Day. It’s a day for adoptees and adoptive families to acknowledge the women who made them a family. But it’s also a day to acknowledge the loss, the grief, the shame, the guilt, the struggle, and the heartbreak that birth mother’s go through that makes them birth mothers.
First, when she realized she was facing an unexpected pregnancy, stress and maybe panic set in. She didn’t know what to do, who to turn to, and so many people around her had their own thoughts on what she should do. Some gave conflicting and maybe even unsolicited advice, so she contacted a pregnancy counselor to help her sort out her thoughts. She continued meeting with her counselor, to learn what parenting would look like and the resources available, and what adoption would look like. She weighed her pros and cons. Although the information at times felt overwhelming, she never gave up trying to make the right plan.
After deciding adoption was her best option, not just for herself but for her baby, she took the huge and frightening step to choose and meet a family. Even though she was afraid this family might not like her, and might abandon her once the adoption was final, she held on to her plan, and decided to trust. She allowed herself to bond with her baby, even though she knew they would soon be saying goodbye. She never gave up allowing herself to love.
When “hospital time” came, her beautiful, tiny new baby arrived – so small and helpless, as if she pushed a part of her own beating heart out into the world. She watched their new family leave the hospital with what felt like her whole entire soul. Even though she felt like an empty shell, she never gave up trusting.
She met with her attorney, and bravely attended court to say, “Yes, I understand that my parental rights will be permanently terminated,” even as her body, healing from childbirth, was reminding her that she was still a very much a mother. She moved forward. She believed that this treasured and loved little life would have all that she wished for them to have, including her heart. She never gave up believing. She never gave up having hope for the future. She never gave up.
This birth mother’s day, reach out to the birth mothers in your life, and let them know that you’ve never given up on them.
For more information on Adoption or Pregnancy Counseling, please contact LSS at 605-221-2346 or 888-201-5061.
– Submitted by Joyce Twite, LSS Pregnancy Counselor